Travis Reill's Call to Commitment Reflection

Dwindling numbers can always be a discouragement. From time to time I can tend to look for the faces that are not there, rather than seeing the ones that are—the ones that through hardship, misunderstanding, and whatever else are choosing to come together. Focusing on the head count can always be a dangerous thing, I’ve known that from the beginning. But in the past I have found that it is easier to not focus on counting heads when there are many, many heads in the room. Now, it is more of a challenge. Fleshly, I do desire the big numbers. Perhaps it is my Christian-American socialization. Maybe large numbers take the tension out of “church” conversations, the ones where you know the question the other has asked is about numbers, how many new people you got—give me a total, the head count. Or could it be that it now makes it much harder for me to just slip into the crowd, to be another face? I don’t seek vulnerability and bigger numbers mean more people to take my place in the vulnerability department. All are probably true, but I do believe that one of the hardest processes is breaking through that false perception that says a healthy church must be a numerically large church; the perception that raises question to the body of believers that ask a grand call of commitment to its people, which may have many turning away saying, “no, this is too much, it isn’t for us.” The Church of the Savior was cautious of becoming numerically large. They began to become concerned that what they were attempting to accomplish was becoming diluted when they grew to 25 or 30. This seems to be the opposite of my understanding, something that I can find both encouragement and challenge in. I am encouraged that we don’t have to stress over growing to “mega-whatever,” that we find an incredible amount of health in the church that is vested in its body, its neighborhood, its ministries, its life together. Despite vulnerability being difficult it is needed, and those choosing to be there are choosing vulnerability and deeper relationship—they are choosing each other, the body of Christ. This is not some ideal or fantasy, it isn’t just what I have read in Call to Commitment and thought, “uh, good for them.” No, I have seen this in my own life; it has happened to me. I have grown deeper that ever before in my relationship with God due to the coming together of the church I am choosing to commit to. I have had to be vulnerable, which I hate, and I have grown. I have had to be apart of difficult conversations, which I hate, and I have grown. What I have been reading is real—look no further than my life. And God is faithful, always faithful. It has been interesting to see who is coming in to check us out now, both new and old faces. I never wanted to be a part of a mega-something, yet a confession of my heart would show that I had wanted higher numbers. I give thanks, however, that Christ replaces man’s heart with his.