I have to “leap” into pain you say? I have to be willing to be ridiculed, hurt, vulnerable not only at MY choosing, be seen in all of my imperfection? Embrace pain? I don’t want that, I don’t want pain! I feel like I have been standing on the bank of this river for an eternity. My feet creeping over the edge, my knees bent ready to leap, my hands in the perfect divers form…but there I continue to stand. The water is so beautiful in its perfection as its whole being is to be as the Shepherd is. I am faced with the questions, “you want to know me? You want to do my will?” “Of course” is my first thought followed quickly by “sweetest pain,” and so there I stand on the bank of the river.
Enough is enough! My selfishness has kept my feet planted on this bank for far too long. I am saying goodbye to all MY hopes, MY dreams, MY false identity, MY self preservation, MY expectations, MY way, MY image, MY security, MY entitlements. Goodbye to doing the will of the Father for MY benefit (if even possible), to all MY striving for affirmation, MY need to do everything right but not living rightly, goodbye to PRIDE.
Bring on the “sweetest pain” and the “lowest place.” My desire is to flow as water flows. My perfect form does nothing for me, I belly flop into the water. Consider this an alter.
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