Travis Reill's Call to Commitment Reflection

Dwindling numbers can always be a discouragement. From time to time I can tend to look for the faces that are not there, rather than seeing the ones that are—the ones that through hardship, misunderstanding, and whatever else are choosing to come together. Focusing on the head count can always be a dangerous thing, I’ve known that from the beginning. But in the past I have found that it is easier to not focus on counting heads when there are many, many heads in the room. Now, it is more of a challenge. Fleshly, I do desire the big numbers. Perhaps it is my Christian-American socialization. Maybe large numbers take the tension out of “church” conversations, the ones where you know the question the other has asked is about numbers, how many new people you got—give me a total, the head count. Or could it be that it now makes it much harder for me to just slip into the crowd, to be another face? I don’t seek vulnerability and bigger numbers mean more people to take my place in the vulnerability department. All are probably true, but I do believe that one of the hardest processes is breaking through that false perception that says a healthy church must be a numerically large church; the perception that raises question to the body of believers that ask a grand call of commitment to its people, which may have many turning away saying, “no, this is too much, it isn’t for us.” The Church of the Savior was cautious of becoming numerically large. They began to become concerned that what they were attempting to accomplish was becoming diluted when they grew to 25 or 30. This seems to be the opposite of my understanding, something that I can find both encouragement and challenge in. I am encouraged that we don’t have to stress over growing to “mega-whatever,” that we find an incredible amount of health in the church that is vested in its body, its neighborhood, its ministries, its life together. Despite vulnerability being difficult it is needed, and those choosing to be there are choosing vulnerability and deeper relationship—they are choosing each other, the body of Christ. This is not some ideal or fantasy, it isn’t just what I have read in Call to Commitment and thought, “uh, good for them.” No, I have seen this in my own life; it has happened to me. I have grown deeper that ever before in my relationship with God due to the coming together of the church I am choosing to commit to. I have had to be vulnerable, which I hate, and I have grown. I have had to be apart of difficult conversations, which I hate, and I have grown. What I have been reading is real—look no further than my life. And God is faithful, always faithful. It has been interesting to see who is coming in to check us out now, both new and old faces. I never wanted to be a part of a mega-something, yet a confession of my heart would show that I had wanted higher numbers. I give thanks, however, that Christ replaces man’s heart with his.

Trevor Williams Call to Commitment Reflection

I had false expectations of the book “Call to Commitment.” Given the title, I thought it would be a manifesto similar to “When the Church was a Family” that would break down the reasons and history for committing one to another in the Church. This in reality, was my itching ears beggingto hear a song they already knew so that I could justify and confirm my own rightness.

The book did contain some passages that affirmed the ideas we learned about in the previous book. Right in the first few chapters, Elisabeth O'Connor dives deep into the church's need for commitment beginning with the brochure for their new congregation, “This is a dangerous book about a demanding way of life and a vigorous institution that would propagate it...” Much is said about the cost of discipleship and the mission of the church, and all of these things confirmed what I believed to be true.

It seems, however, that I am much more keen on a law than a Living Word, because as the rest of the book unfolded and the story of the Church of the Savior was made known, I found myself in a battle, at times utterly frustrated and dismayed. As we at Adsideo find ourselves on the brink of a new chapter of our lives, it seems that we are teeter totting on the edge of a very precarious mountain trail. I hoped to find in the Church of the Savior something solid, tested, and true; a paved tunnel leading to the other side of the stormy peaks. What I found was a people that, yes, found true the necessities of discipleship and commitment, but were like a band of rag-tag militia, running with reckless abandon towards a war against the empire. As O'Connor says herself, “It takes courage to walk into the unknown, a willingness to take upon ourselves the burden of anxiety.” I saw a people that took upon that burden freely and joyfully. Meanwhile, I sat trembling in the corner.

In the very last chapter of the book, my concerns were addressed. Elisabeth admits, “Sometimes...It seems that we move too fast and that there are too few of us, and that we are in too many places, and that we are too inadequate for the tasks which we have taken up.”

“Yes! It certainly does seem that way!” I piped in with my ragged white flag waving high. My thoughts were then nearly perfectly translated in the question someone asked the pastor Gordon Smith, “Can't you see the weakness everywhere and the possibility that all these little structures we are building are going to come tumbling down?”

The Spirit's response through Gordon cut me straight to the heart, sending me to my closet to retrieve my sackcloth and ashes, “That which is in God cannot be shaken. If it is not of God, then let us praise Him when it collapses so that we can get on with the next thing, because surely we don't want to give our lives to building what is not His will.” And what about the people within those structures? “That in them which is of Christ cannot be shaken. And that which is not, they will want to let go. The structures are not important. It is what happens to us and everyone who will be involved in them which is important.”

I have been an anxious dude. My worry stems from the possibility that our little congregation will somehow mess up, and more importantly that those mistakes will have a negative impact on my life. So I have taken on the burden of making sure that everything goes according to plan. Because of this, my attitude is often bitter and harsh as I see my false expectations crumbling before me. What God has used the Church of the Savior to remind me is that this is HIS story. I am to be but a small lump of clay in the grand sculpture of the God-With-Us story. That means I need to be thrown around, drown in water, and fired in the furnace in order to be of any use to the Master Potter. Who am I to accuse my God of not working how I would want him to? So I join faithful followers everywhere in humbling myself before my God and casting my anxiety upon him, patiently waiting with the confident expectation that he will lift us all up in due time.

Teddy Dickerson's Call to Commitment Reflection

The Jade

“You cannot surrender to God a self you do not know. This was surely also in the design of community, that we might find ourselves in the mirror of that community. It was as we shared the common life that one unredeemed area after another came to light. The joy of involvement was interwoven with the pain of it. Raw edges rubbed against raw edges.” Pg. 93

I don’t experience myself, so the need for community is imperative; people that will honestly and lovingly be editors in my life. Looking into this community the image of Christ is reflected and as I look into the mirror I see the ways I get in the way of being part of the reflection of Christ. The reflection of Christ creates an implicit criticism that in the past has driven me to places of self-pity and sadness. As Elizabeth O’Conner says in the last sentence of this quote, joy is interwoven with pain, I am continually reminded of Nehemiah 8 and what the Levites communicated, “Go and enjoy…” I give thanks for the courage that gets poured into me from these parallel thoughts as they continue to transform my mind and heart to find joy in enlightenment…the bitch.

The Skybox

“It is only as we pray for each person in our group that we gain the pastor’s heart, and are enabled to put something of self aside.” Pg. 129

“We had ceased to be the Christian Church when we were no longer seeking to give our lives away.” Pg. 46

These are a few of the quotes from Call to Commitment that force me to look at who I am living this life for; myself or Christ and those He loves? When I live for myself I have this inflated image of myself that makes it almost impossible to give any part of me away. Also in this selfishness, what hope is there to have a pastor’s heart for those around me? The people and relationships around me exist for me and me alone. Pray? Well, as long as it helps me then I will pray. These quotes challenge my greatly in how they shed light on the areas of my life that I need to die to. This is why I got Philippians 1:21 tattooed on my arm, to have a constant reminder that I desire to continue to step towards Christ and living this life for Him and not myself.

Mary Crow's Call to Commitment Reflection

When you’re a reader as you look back across time, you can spot the moments in your ‘book life’ that changed you. The time you were forced to read some Mark Twain and you realized why everyone thought he was so funny: because he was; an attempt at a critically acclaimed classic like Slaughterhouse Five or A Clockwork Orange…whether you actually got through them or not; the first time you went through Matthew on your own without the flannel-graph; or even reading Romans for your own personal growth with Christ, rather than looking up verses to impress the young man or woman sitting next to you with your spiritual prowess. For me, Call to Commitment was one of those books. Within the first pages, the history of these followers is laid out, and we can run alongside the narrative the pieces of our own story that we know, and be both greatly encouraged that we are not the first to struggle down this road and there is a body of work to speak to who we are trying to be, and secondarily we may be stung by the slap of reality: where we are failing even now and are not even the first to accomplish that.

I, for example, am as guilty as the day is long of treating people like commodities. I was reading the story in the second to last chapter of the Filipino girl who helped at the Christmas party and couldn’t get over how much she was wanted. (pp 177) I think that I don’t fall down in wanting people around, but I do fail miserably at extending Christ’s love, not mine. I can appreciate their skills, their personality, their stories and teachings, but rarely without the ramifications of what they have to offer can do for me and mine. Their skills are an opportunity to lift the weight of practical needs from us; their personality could be an opportunity to increase visibility and legitimacy to “our cause;” their stories are textbook information on what to do or not do with one’s life. These are the ways the small, concrete, self-serving mind of my old self filters new gifts from Christ in the form of people. The book speaks to this even in the beginning chapters: “’Now we ought to get hold of this person because he would be just right to help us with some project.’ This is a dangerous feeling. We never need people simply to help us with a task which we have to do...People must never become means to an end.” (pp24-25) In the same vein of attitude, O’Connor relates a story about a child who discovers she’s missing the point of their whole lives together when she is read the introduction to the working copy of the book: “’Every Sunday morning people want to talk to me, but I’m in so much hurry, I tear by and I’m missing out on all the wonderful fabric you tell about.’…The truth that she had grasped was that it is possible to live in the midst of God’s gifts and never to claim them.” (pp 93)

We do a great disservice to those we’re called to serve, if we see them solely as part of the equation that completes a goal. They are souls with a beauty and uniqueness we will never even scratch the surface of understanding in this life. To take credit for how they fit into the tapestry of our story will only result in a threadbare and poorly woven tapestry.

I confess to feeling this way routinely. I like I am most genuinely in love with people when they are relying on me and “my own” beauty or talent or intelligence is highlighted. I love talking about myself and the sound of my own voice. I wasn’t designed to be this way, and I see the glimmer of a hope outside myself and inside of the Lord when other people talk about me.

In all things of Christ, there is a glimmer of hope for this uncertain world. The shining rays of hope from Call to Commitment that stood out to me can be summarized thus: what we are doing can be and has been carried out in lives that have gone before ours. It’s been true for another group that “The medium of evangelism would be our common life.” (pp112) The philosophy of the Potter’s House is “We will serve you, we will be with you…We are not afraid of you…You can come and ask your questions. You can come and vent your hostilities. We will be with you six nights a week. We will serve you we will love you, we will pray for you and if by chance you ask the reason for the hope that is in us, we will talk to you, but the talking will come at that end of the scale. We will…be where you can find us. We will live a little chunk of our life where you can watch what is going on, see whether we know anything about the mercy of God…You come, and observe, and test us. We will not protect ourselves.” (pp114)

That people found it right to embody this philosophy for their neighbors and have successfully continued in the faith is pure joy to me. I envision our futures very bright. I envision them full of heartbreaking memories as well as ecstatic celebrations, and I am glad to (experientially) know the sisters and brothers alongside whom I will celebrate this life and whatever the Lord leads us into in his country.

Liesl Stuhr's Call to Commitment Reflection

Call To Commitment Paper

When asked to pick one thought, idea or section from this book that really encouraged and struck me I had a hard time deciding what to chose. There was so much about this book that inspired, encouraged and challenged me. However, there was one chapter that I am still reeling from.

Chapter 12 is now literally stained with pink highlighter. There was much in this to encourage and inspire me. Art has always been a passion of mine. I used to paint, sketch and design. I even dreamed of going to art school during my last two years of high school; however, I allowed the fear of challenge and the practical voice of the world to silence this desire and passion.

The Potter’s House Workshop was such an inspiration to me. The vision that Church of the Savior had to start the Workshop, a place where the arts could again bring life to the Church and the Church could bring new meaning to art, was a beautiful one. There have been many times in this book that O'Connor has mentioned the connection between art and the church. It is a lost connection that is important to both sharing our story and connecting with the world around us. The workshop created the perfect bridge for this gap in our world.

She describes the connection and the importance of this as a turning. “It is a twofold turning which is required, for the believer also needs art and the disciplines of art to open his life to the experiencing of God’s spirit which is stamped on all that is. If he can look with the eyes of the artist upon a branch, or a blade of grass, or the wing of an insect, or the flight of a bird, he knows whereof the mystic speaks. He learns the art of contemplation and moves into an I-Thou relationship with his world. Wonder and awe are never again so easily lost to him. And so with the artist. If he can touch the life of the people of faith he can know himself as a person, a child of God with a face and a destiny. He will then be able to identify the movements of the spirit in his own life, and to know that his deepest craving is for God, the Creator, whose action is in and through and above all.” pg. 149

This is such a beautiful statement. It creates a need for us to look upon this world with different eyes, the eyes of an artist that sees so much more detail. It was a good reminder for me too, many times I just see the whole, the big parts and miss the little details of life that give our journey meaning. I get caught up in the big events, making sure that I do my part and get it done right. This often causes me to be so focused on the work, that I neglect to see the need for relationship, the chance to just be with someone in conversation and give it my full focus. This passage was a good call back to me and an encouragement to know that the little details can be the most important ones in sharing the whole painting of our lives.

Along with all the encouragement in this book, I found much implicit criticism. One that struck hard, that really opened my eyes and forced me to admit one of my faults, was found in the chapter on the Potter’s House. O'Connor was describing the start up process for this coffee house and all the details that go into it. They decided to do some trial runs with their own congregation and found that though most were quick to catch the dream some were not. “The whole project was especially discouraging to the methodical and practical who wanted to plan every step and to have all the business and staffing details worked out before we made a firm commitment at any point. If we had waited on this kind of planning, this particular project would never had got off the ground, because the people who held the dream were not temperamentally the sort who could do this groundwork even when they saw value in it.” pg. 115.

As I read this paragraph, I had to stop and say, yes that is me and I have let that be a frustration for me in so many ways. Especially when it comes to the areas of ministry I am involved in. I have always been one who needed all her ducks in a row before I made a decision or made a move. I have to make sure it will work out right, perfectly if possible. This always caused stress and frustration in me, and often times it would and does flow into the lives of others. This is an area of my life that I have been cautioned on by others but I didn’t ever really get it until I read it and was able to write in the margins, ‘that is me.’

This has now become an area in my life that I am trying to change. Change here is slow and in small steps since it is so ingrained in me that I don’t always immediately notice the signs. I am learning to rely and trust the words of those in my life who can read me well and speak out of love. I am learning the process of letting go and trusting in God to work out the details as they need to be worked out. Week by week it gets easier to let things go in to God’s hands. It gets easier to put aside the need to have all the answers, the need to know all the restrictions and work within them. I am also learning the need for commitment, commitment to others, commitment to this body, to this place, commitment to God and a commitment to change. “Commitment which makes us willing to live in the tensions of unresolved relationships. However long it takes, however much it costs, we are committed to bridging any gulf which divides us from another” pg. 181. Within this struggle, and many areas of my life I am learning to live out this style of commitment. I pray that God strengthens me with in this and gives me the heart of a servant to follow Him and live to serve His family out of love.

Joanna Miller's Call to Commitment Reflection

Beautiful Ruggedness

Ch. 7- Growth in love, pg. 93

“Love can go in little ways, but also our withholding of ourselves is often beyond our knowing. You cannot surrender to God a self you do not know. This was surely also in the design of community: that we might find ourselves in the mirror of that community. It was as we shared the common life that one unredeemed area after another came to light. The joy of involvement was interwoven with the pain of it. Raw edges rubbed against raw edges.

We know about love in this fellowship because here we find it embodied in a way that we have not experienced in other places. Here, when there is a need, there is always a person to symbolize the God who is ever present”

It is so incredibly beautiful to read about a community in which this is a reality as well. We find here that looking into this community is much like looking into a mirror simply because we do not know what it is like to experience ourselves. It is as though once we have thrown into community, we are able to release ourselves that much more completely to the Father, because we know that we are not in this alone. We know that even when life gets hard we will have people surrounding us to remind us who we are, as individuals, and as members of this body. Vulnerability and the reality of life on life here makes life sticky, messy, and raw. Most of the time it is not given the chance to fully scab over before something else comes along to push us past the comfort of a superficial, surface-driven life. It pushes us to swim the waters of risking frustration and climb the mountains of living in tension. But there is an unexplainable joy found in these treacherous, and often times dangerous parts of life. We learn that through coming together, the journey is shared, and its not nearly as terrifying as it seemed before. We have begun to see each other truly as that conduit of Christ in each other's lives through encouragement, appreciation, and the love displayed daily to each other. The unexplainable beauty in this is that it doesn't find it's source in us, but the Spirit of the living God.

Crushed and Refined for His Will

"These Christians are a people who will throw themselves into the breach between the peace and healing of God and the loneliness, anguish, and terror of the world's lost. They stand as a bridge between man and God, willing, even eager, to become ground grain, broken bread, crushed grapes, poured out wine."

When the end goal is supposed to be the Body of Christ (bread and wine) then what good is a bunch of untarnished grapes and grain? But we walk around like this, hoping that we can still do God's will and not become crushed, and refined in the process. But that is what this process should be-- a submission to His will, His crushing and refining of our lives, our souls, and our communities.In so many ways we like this life to be easy, and we don't like going out on a limb for people. But this is exactly what this gospel calls us too- a difficult life lived out on the edge. We don't like the reality of the pain and messiness of this life, we like to stand back and be observers to the lives of others, as well as our own, turn to shambles. But what if we chose to risk frustration? What if we chose instead to submit to the will of the Father, the Spirit, the Body of Christ? What if we chose to live life along side those who need it the most: the lonely, lost, destitute, ignored, marginalized people in this world, our city, and even our neighborhood? Then we might just become ground grain, broken bread, crushed grapes, and poured out wine- The Body of Christ.

Rachael Reill's Call to Commitment Reflection

Call to Commitment reflection

Elizabeth O’Connor’s eloquent writing paints a vivid picture in my mind and heart of what leadership should look like in the Church. I am deeply convicted then, as I ponder her writings and compare them to my own life and leadership among this local reflection of the Body. She speaks of those who win people to Christ and not just organizations as those who are “abandoned to God, contagiously radiant because in their inner lives a conversation goes on with Him who is Lord.” People who invite you into His presence and almost cause you to worship (pg. 85). I am convicted that to embody the Gospel in every way is who the church, and thus those who comprise it, is to be. Am I? Do I? And if this is what the lives of all Christians is to look like, then how much more a leader and Pastor? A leader cannot ask of his/her people that which they are not also requiring of, and already practicing themselves. Christ has demonstrated for us that leadership comes in the giving away of our lives. Lead through demonstration of service.

The qualities of leadership that Pastor Gordon gave were to find the internal issue, to take hostility, to accept others where they are, the ability to sort issues, a willingness to fail, and a deep caring for people (all people). I know that I am in process as well, but I find myself to be an unworthy leader as I match myself up with these criteria. And perhaps, I need to first learn to be willing to fail so that I can be freed to try. This discovery is not easy to admit and O’Connor even mentions Hebrews 12:11 that discipline is painful at the time but it produces righteousness and joy. As I reflect, I recognize a need for further discipline, or “purposeful responses to life and to the grace of God” (pg 34). If I am to be a leader, I must first follow, and spiritual disciplines are tools that aid in matching us up with the cross and producing humility.

Conviction was always paired with great encouragement as I read through Call to Commitment and found us in its pages. We are a young community discovering what it means to be the Church, and to be family. There are many parallels in our stories which, in itself, brings encouragement to know that there are those who have gone before and who understand the process. We can gleam from their failures and successes, their visions and convictions, their love and their life together.

As we trudge through framework development and the creation of structures, I was especially encouraged to read Chapter 15 where they blatantly pointed out that the structures they were building may come tumbling down. Pastor Gordon’s response to concern of this was simply “that which is in God cannot be shaken. If it is not of God, then let us praise Him when it collapses so we can get on to the next thing…”(pg 178). This concept gives me much encouragement knowing that there is a natural death cycle in a church that is alive. If we are alive enough that things are changing and dying, then Praise God that we are actively seeking Him and new ways of loving. This goes for those things in our own lives as well. May we always be in prayer that that which is not of Christ would cease to exist among us so that, after the painful pruning process, there is room for new life to take root and begin to grow with all vitality and purpose.