Jim's Note

Dear Family and Friends:

As I sit in the Starbucks next to Adsideo's neighborhood Living Room in the middle of Sellwood, my mind wanders over this past year and a half and the journey we have traveled. Trying to put my thoughts and feelings together is like trying to dissect that frog from sophomore biology or stuff that porcupine in Wildlife Conservation my senior year... "Precarious, at best." I am learning so much that I am not even sure where to start, but I will give it a shot, so here goes... After experiencing an accident in which I broke my neck a little over a year and half ago, and going through the long process of post-surgical recovery, I began to realize that there was much in this story of Adsideo that needed to continue to be evaluated and processed from another angle. It seemed that we had become consumed with meeting the needs of our neighborhood but had not done enough to invest in the lives of those in this young, eclectic body. As I was convalescing and making attempts to lead, it was realized that we were pretty fragile as a community.

Yes, we had experienced tremendous growth numerically and everything looked good on the outside, but internally things were not so secure. We found ourselves primarily consuming and entering into a new form of attractional ministry. Different than past expressions (we were minus big screens and play-lands for the kids) but nonetheless we were quickly becoming a commuter church while the only thing growing was our weekly gathering. I began to struggle through my frustrations and realized from my vantage point in my recliner and neck brace that change must come.

There's not much to do for about six months after you break your neck, other than think... so I did. At this same time we were blessed by a Church in Southern California who came to our aid with a ministry of encouragement. Our tribe also stepped in as they helped provide for our family. There were other individuals, but the primary relational encouragement came from this little Church in So. Cal. whom we had just met prior to my accident. They began to breathe life into me as I recovered and in reality they were breathing life into us as the church, as we entered into our collective recovery. The magnitude of this encouragement was not realized then, but it began to become absolutely clear as time evolved and their role would prove to be vital in the life of our community. They challenged us to invest internally and look at the scriptures to see what this New Testament Church might look like in the world today.

Growing together, our leadership and apprentices began to catch a fire that we thought would spread throughout our body. However, this marked something quite different, it was the beginning of what we are calling now "the great reduction". People became worried and fearful as we called for deeper levels of commitment. We explored the purpose of the Church and began looking intensely on what Jesus had envisioned for his followers: what did it mean to be a disciple and what does it mean today? Instead of personal growth an emphasis was placed on the collective, and we saw a decline numerically. The reduction had started, as we began to identify more clearly the framework for Adsideo, thus individuals became uneasy with the change.

We are becoming comfortable in the releasing of those who have chosen to leave, and encourage them to live out their conviction, as we live out ours in this story we call Adsideo. I am encouraged as I write today to think of the way the Lord refines His Church... though at times painful, and on occasion hit with well intended friendly-fire that rips and scars you up, it’s then that you realize that God is at work, humbling you and preparing you for His service to His body. He is faithful as others have come and thrown their lives into this beautiful mess. The unity we are experiencing has been such a source of encouragement that we can see His Spirit richly providing the relational and missional support needed to live as representatives in this new humanity He has called us to.

All this to say... Today, as I made my way to Starbucks I walked by Subway where Mike has been working for two weeks. Mike is one of the ten men living in the Bresee House who has been on a difficult journey of his own for many years. He is now 28 and realizing that he cannot do this life alone any longer. He has battled drugs and alcohol for the majority of his life and was raised in a family where drugs and alcohol was the norm. Mike is a graduate of a New Life Recovery program but has experienced a couple of nasty relapses that has caused him to re-evaluate his life.

About four months ago, in the middle of a relapse, I saw Mike going into one of our neighborhood "establishments" and followed him in. He was a bit surprised when I sat down by him at one of the video poker machines and offered to buy him a drink. He said, “don't know how to feel about my pastor offering me a drink." We had a good talk that day and it wasn't long after that Mike decided to throw in the towel and let others speak into his life. He moved into Bresee (our home for men who are reintegrating into community and life) and now Mike, with other men and the support of his Church, is finding a family in this new way of the Kingdom. As I mentioned it’s only been two weeks since he was hired by Subway here in the neighborhood. For me, Mike’s story illustrates the beauty of God’s ability to redeem and reorder, this is but one of many such stories that we have had opportunity to celebrate as we learn the art of living in community.

We are encouraged as we look at the process at work in the life of Mike as he listened to the appeals of his brothers who love him, and asked him to consider finding employment in healthy proximity to the neighborhood, and Mike submitted. You see, this was recognized as a real need for Mike because a long distance commute has contributed to past relapses. This time the body was asking Mike to wait upon the Lord to provide employment here, where there would be a greater opportunity for him to integrate his work into a rhythm of life with others. We believe that God was up to something on that day two weeks ago when Mike was walking home from the Living Room and Subway’s manager ran out and said, "Mike we want to hire you!"

Now, I don't know about you, but this story doesn't happen every day around here to a former drug user and felon. The manager knew Mike a bit as most of us frequent Subway and Mike had put in an application several months prior. We are encouraged to see what God is up to in His redemptive reordering of the lives of this community.

This is a tough time of year for many in our body as the "Holidays" conjure up difficult feelings, the enemy hits hard with guilt, pain, and memory. We are claiming the words that Paul speaks when he reminds the believers in Rome of this truth...

"So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us." ~ The Message

Please pray as we have many needs emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially. Pray that God would continue to help find employment for our men as we still have three of them in the house without work. We have taken on a great deal of responsibility and believe that it is His calling for our community. We believe that His resources are enough and that He will raise up partners for this ministry here in Portland. If you would like to invest in this reordering of lives please partner with us as the Lord so leads you. You can keep up to date by visiting our websites.

Needs: Some of you have asked what our primary financial needs are currently... because of such a difficult time this last year with unemployment for some of our men, Adsideo has had to help significantly with monthly rent at the Bresee House (rent and utilities $1700). Other primary expenses are The Neighborhood Living Room (rent and utilities $2700) as well as on-going staff support, much needed prayer for jobs, please pray for our apprentices as they learn, grow and lead.

If you, or those you fellowship with would like to partner financially with Adsideo you can send your support to The Community of Adsideo, P.O. Box 82208, Portland, OR 97282. Please understand that we believe that God is leading us and that we are only his instruments, as he desires to bring Peace to those in need of redemption. You may join us in our quest to reach those living in the margins here in Portland.

Thank you, may his peace be yours.

Pastor Jim

“I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them.” ~ Hosea 11:4

There is so much more going on and it would take pages to inform you. If you would like to get weekly updates or have any questions, please feel free to contact Adsideo at info@communityofadsideo.com.

Pastor Jim Wicks

Lead Pastor / Ambassador

Community of Adsideo

Liesl Stuhr's Hinds Feet Reflection

“Seeking your heart’s desire, eh? And now, Much-Afraid, have a little pride, ask yourself honestly, are you not so ugly and deformed that nobody even in the Valley really loves you?” This is the question that I hear Pride asking me all the time. This is what I struggle with so much. The question of worth, the question of am I perfect enough. So often I feel that I am unworthy of love, too ugly, too overweight, too awkward, to deserve the love from people around me. But, most of all, the love from God. So often I wonder why, why did Christ die for me? How can I be his follower when I am not perfect enough.

I have spent most of my life trying to be what everyone around me wants me to be. I have tried to do what my parents wanted me to do to win their affection, I have tried to earn my sisters love by doing her chores. I never felt worthy of having their love, I always felt that I had to work for it, that they would only love me if I was perfect in all I did. I fell into the same pattern with friends, teachers, roommates and coworkers, always I would try and change myself around each person to be who I thought they wanted me to be.

I believed that when it came to my relationship with God, as in the High Places, nothing unblemished could enter the Kingdom of Heaven. I thought that I had to fix myself on my own, that I had to become perfect to have a good relationship with God. Like Much-Afraid when she encountered Pride, I wanted to turn back because it seemed impossible, the lies he told me sounded so true. Each time I would let Pride grab hold of me, I would sink further down into sorrow and depression. I was too proud to seek help, and felt to weak to confront it alone. Yet as time passes I am learning the need for perfection to get love is a lie. I am being shown time and again that I am loved. I often feel that I fail in all I do, yet each time I hear that lie and succumb to it, I find love showered on me from the people I have come to call family.

I no longer need to make myself perfect to be loved. Yes, perfection is needed in the High Places, but I know that I cannot make that happen myself. I must be changed, yet it is the Shepherd who creates that change. It is the journey to the high places that will work out the ugliness of me, it will straiten out my lame feet and make me beautiful to God. I know it will not be easy, and there is a lot of sorrow and tears involved in breaking down the lies that my life was being built upon. It will take time, but I am learning more each day that with trust in my shepherd, even with trust unto death if he asks it of me, I will reach the High Places. He has given me a new family to walk with, a family to live life with, and he is teaching me through them that I am worthy of love and don’t need to change myself for each person to get love from them. Now I am able to give love as well.

Chanelle Freese's Hinds Feet Reflection

I’ve laid down all I think I can afford, the offering my life desires to express, giving Him all my attention and hopes for happiness. My King has rescued me from this desperate self; He’s arrived to sit and eat a meal with me from my shelf.

Oh friends, I do have many issues, I know they can’t always be overlooked. But please, maybe they are the things for what gives Hope a voice and Love the choice to step inside and fill the void.

Yes, tear stained and worn from the rain, this is real pain. With their disappointed eyes and lies of unfailing love, my heart is in despair, running from all I’ve known, all I’ve called my own. Working from dawn to dusk to satisfy their idea of what life is for me. Not following my own heart and calling, searching for what we call true identity.

The dream of royalty on earth, I was not made for, yet this gracious King has taken me to a place far more powerful than the here and now, my pain and pity. No, together we won’t stay put, for there is much to live into and be in the future of what He calls “We”.

Trevor William's Hinds Feet Reflection

Through all the struggle and determination; strange turns into deserts and forests, much afraid was finally making her way to the High Places. The snow under the feet of both her and her traveling companions crunched as they saw towering crags surrounding them and looked back on precipices already conquered. The fog even rolled back from the side of the mountain, making their travel joyous. It was then, while riding the winds of their hopeful elation, they suddenly came upon a turn in the path. It led not up, to the promised High Places already coming into view, but straight down to the valley of loss.

As I first read this passage, my heart dropped. How can it be that God would ask of me to abandon every good thing that he has already given? Do I still follow the Lord directly away from the Promised Land simply because he asks it? My mind raced through faithful servants that have gone before. Thomas Merton talked about reaching “contemplation” by abandoning desire of “contemplation” itself. The more Mother Teresa dove into the lives of the oppressed, the more she operated out of a sorrow that lived deep inside her, suffering for those she was to serve. Abraham offered up his own son on the alter in fearful obedience to God. Bobbiroshia the motilone leader came to the conclusion that he didn't care if he lived or died, he just wanted to be like Christ. I thought about Jesus himself, all alone and crying out in the garden, “Lord take this cup from me!”

And then there is Trevor Williams. My story is yet to be told. I am still on the beginning of the journey, looking down into that first desert that leads away from the high places, thinking “This is crazy.” But the looming prophecy that I will one day have to abandon all God has given me to be united with God himself goes against all my reasonable sensibilities. Will I be able to join Christ in saying, “Yet not my will but yours be done?” To tell the truth I don't think I have the choice. Like Much Afraid said, “All the time it is suffering to love and sorrow to love, but it is lovely to love him in spite of this, and if I should cease to do so, I should cease to exist.” I have seen too much to turn back, and I no longer can deny that this path, however crooked it may seem, is the only way to the real eternal life. My only choice is to accept it with joy, stumbling forward in faith, as I take my next step on the trail laid before me.

Rachael Reill's Hinds Feet Reflection

Hind’s Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard

Accept…accept with joy?

I can endure the pain inflicted by so many, with Your help.

I can survive the injustices of this world, with Your help.

I can maintain a strong exterior and pretend their words cannot hurt me, with Your help.

I can play their game and not let them get to me, with Your help.

I can rise above to meet their hostility with kindness, with Your help.

You have not asked me to endure, survive, or be strong.

You have not asked me to play their game, or rise above.

You have asked me to accept the painful injustice.

You have asked me to accept the games of words and hostility.

You have asked me to accept…with joy.

I am not deserving of this pain.

I am too weak to bear the fire.

I cannot open myself up to be so treated.

I cannot let down my guard.

You have promised your help and You are faithful.

I choose today, to accept…with joy.

Joanna Miller's Hinds Feet Reflection

Hinds Feet for High Places

Chapter 7: On the Shores of Loneliness-- This is me.

"Somehow, incredible as it was, she, Much-Afraid, had been enabled to accept the knowledge and to acquiesce in it, and she knew within herself that with that acceptance a gulf had opened between herself and her past life, even between her past self; a gulf which could never again be closed."

So often in life we feel trapped in our past, trapped in who we were. We don’t see a way out because, well, you can’t change the past, and all of those experiences you had growing up make up the pieces of the person you are becoming. What is simply amazing about our Shepherd is that He has the ability and the desire to wash, empty, and renew us, and if we let Him (that is the key you know); He will fulfill His promise. When I contemplate who I once was, when I look across the ravine at the person I used to be, I feel weightless and elated to know that Christ has taken the burden of my sins, and yet, in my flesh I am sad to know that I will never be able to return to the purely selfish person I once was. This person was fine to be isolated, and to consume with every breath she took. She knew all the right things to say, but didn’t once act on them. She knew how to lie to herself, and that at the end of the day; it was her own self-preservation that was important. But I accepted the knowledge, and now there is this terrifying gulf lingering in the background, with the girl I once was gazing, glassy-eyed, void of all meaning and existence, for the old is gone, and the new has come. I am a new creation in Christ. “I was that woman, but I am not that woman now.”

"Looking over the edge of the cliff, she saw that the cove which had been so empty was now filled to the brim. Great waves, roaring and laughing together, were pouring themselves through the narrow inlet and were leaping against the sides, irresistibly taking possession of every empty niche and crevice."

When I think of the word empty I think of it in two ways, one has a positive spin, because you know that you will be filled soon, the other is a dark feeling. The pain cannot be articulated, but soon your body just resorts to numbness. Void of feeling, your face expressionless, you try to somehow make sense of life, of existence, of what is real and what isn’t. For so long all I could do was weep, and express the longing to no longer be empty. Sure I had asked for it, but it wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted a spiritual high, and then to be “filled”. I wanted to consume. But when I finally surrendered all over to Christ might has well have said, “Alright, this is going to hurt, and after a while you may not feel anything, and that is going to suck even more. But I’m not going anywhere, and I will come when you call. Be sure to lean on your brothers and sisters in Christ, because they were put there to help you carry this emptiness, this numbness. You desire to be new, let me empty you entirely of who you once were, and let me fill you with the most exquisite water ever in existence, My Spirit, My mercy, My love.” And he truly has fulfilled this promise. Now everyday not only am I emptied, but I am filled. I hope that what people see isn’t the empty cove scattered with garbage and debris, but that they see a cove overflowing with living water.

Cassie Boddington's Hinds Feet Reflection

Theres not much in life that I’m not willing to do that seems scary, jump out of a plane, go white water rafting, run with the bulls, but to be honest it’s an act. I very much try to act like this tough girl who is capable of taking care of herself and able to do extreme things. Its a defensive act so you wont know the deep within me, that you won’t figure out that I am scared of the dark, ghosts, being weak, vulnerability, pain.

A few chapters into this book, I was scared. Because I found my own story within Much Afraid’s story. In the 2nd chapter of this book I found myself between the pages when the fearing family invaded Much Afraid’s house when the shepherd was walking by and calling for Much Afraid to come but instead she sat there, and let the shepherd walk away because her family was there. “She was too stunned with fear to seize the opportunity, and then it was too late. The next moment she felt Coward’s heavy hand laid tightly over her mouth, then other hands gripped her firmly and held her in the chair. So the shepherd slowly passed the cottage…but receiving no response of any kind.”.

I wanted to stop reading because I was afraid of the things that were to come next in the story, things that I did not want to face inside my own story. Like Much Afraid I am afraid of my family, not so much in physical harm but I am afraid of the pain and hurt deep within my soul that was caused by my family, afraid that I am not pleasing them with my life. I am a coward, afraid to face that pain and ashamed to call out for help. I am afraid of reconciliation with that pain because it means making myself vulnerable, I still find desire within me to please my family and win their approval. I am learning like Much Afraid that their approval is not the one I should be seeking but the approval of the Chief Shepherd, and seeking his will for my life not my own. I am learning to accept with joy the things that have happened in my life because without those challenges I would not be able to learn and grow and be the person I am today but even more be apart of this body of Christ. As Paul states in 2 Timothy God did not give us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline. I am finding that spirit within the body of Christ. It encourages me to keep traveling down this road of sorrow and suffering and face my fears and to call out for help because the joy and love on the other side is worth it. Even when it comes to the point of standing over a valley with the Shepherd, and him asking me to give up everything I had learned or journeyed through climbing up, to lose it all for the shepherd and to go down into the valley, go down as water does. To go down is still worth it, it is the greatest joy of all.

Travis Reill's Hinds Feet Reflection

In the summer of 2000 I had the hell scared out of me at Camp Kellogg; that is, it was then that I realized that I would go to hell because I was a sinner. Thus, the majority of my spiritual life growing up was devoted to trying to stay out of hell. I lived in between heaven and hell, knowing that if I was just good enough, did the right things, and, maybe most importantly, did not do the wrong things, that I would get the promise of heaven, this “end goal.” This was then reinforced, with good intentions, by Sunday School, youth group, moms, dads, grandmas and grandpas, sermons on Sundays, and probably a bit by the limited brain capacity of a sixth grader.

Of course I have grown since my middle school years at Camp Kellogg, and feel that I have more of an understanding of the Way of Jesus. My story has become one that is no longer about the “end goal,” trying to get into heaven and stay out of hell. It has become one that I hope says: By the grace of God through his son Jesus I’m given opportunity to travel this journey. The Jesus Way has become about just that—the way of Christ. It has become a trail of life that I travel with my brothers and sisters. We are given promises on this journey. Perhaps heaven is one of them. Suffering is a promise as well. But the most beautiful promise I find is that I don’t have to travel this trail alone. Just like Much-Afraid I am given traveling companions, partners in life. And, as Much-Afraid found out many times, the Shepard is just a cry away. He has promised not to leave us on this journey. I give thanks for these promises, however I must be careful to live for the one who makes and keeps the promises, not the promises themselves. Which will I love?

Much-Afraid is going through a similar journey when this idea comes to the forefront of the story. She has traveled an incredible journey, seen the Shepard work and change her from the inside out. She has seen the promises he made kept, and she continues to journey toward the High Places. Yet there is a turning point where the Shepard questions Much-Afraid, a question that stirs in me feelings that I don’t quite understand nor to I want to come to grips with. Before entering into the Valley of Loss the Shepard asked Much-Afraid if she would still follow him if all that he told her—all the promises he made, a new name, High Places, hinds feet—if all of it were a lie. Which did she love, which did she trust in, which did she follow? Her response was beautiful, a criticism and conviction to my being: “Nothing else really matters,” she said to herself, “only to love him and to do what he tells me. I don’t know quite why it should be so, but it is. All time it is suffering to love and sorrow to love, but it is lovely to love him in spite of this, and if I should cease to do so, I should cease to exist.” (152) What a love, what a relationship! I am reminded of Paul telling the Philippians that he considered all things a loss when compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ, Much-Afraid’s Shepard.

Yes, I have moved pass this idea of working towards an “end goal.” Working towards heaven is no longer what consumes me in my Christian walk. Yet have I just traded one for the other? Promise for promise? Can I look into my life, seeing all that there is and truly say, like Much-Afraid, that it is lovely to love him in spite of everything, and if I should cease to do so, I should cease to exist?

Travis Reill's Water Song Reflection

Water Song-

The call of the water in the ‘Water Song’ is to go down. Down to the low places from the very high places. Not only is the water on a journey downward but it is “happy to go low.” I question what joy can be found in the low places and I most certainly question what joy can be found in such a self-giving spirit. Yet the water found a spirit of contempt and joy in such a situation. I also thought it was interesting how quickly this self-giving attitude was introduced into the story. Yet as I look at scripture I find a common theme of self-sacrifice due to the spirit of God.

Matthew 16, near the end of the chapter, reminds us to take up our cross and follow Christ, for “whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” Christ is calling us to find our life in him, being reading and waiting to due his will. We find this passage in the same scene where Peter is trying to tell Christ he’d never let anything happen to him. Jesus responds to Peter calling him “Satan;” harsh words no matter who you are. Peter was attempting to be in the way of Christ doing the will of his Father-giving of himself. Peter wanted to stay in the “high places” with Christ but was strongly rebuked, as Christ knew that the will of his Father was to pour out his spirit. (I also find it interesting that this passage comes right after Peter’s confession of Christ, but that is a different discussion.)

Philippians 2, need I say more?! Imitating Christ humility. Paul reminds us that the Holy One sent from God made himself into nothing, taking on the nature of a servant. Christ died a sinner’s death, humble and low. Then Paul, after talking of Christ’s humility, tells them to continue in the salvation in the same way:

“…in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.”

This ‘shinning’ Paul talks about is done in this “crooked and depraved generation.” Later Paul goes on to tell the Philippians that “even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you.” Paul is one to take the example of Christ, find his way to the low places, serve with joy, and advance the gospel, even, at times, while in chains.

Trevor Williams Water Song Reflection

The water song to me represents the call of Christ; the call that is made to every disciple: to come and die. The only way we can join God in his being is to, like the water, go farther and farther down to the depths of who we are, letting God strip away what is false. The only way we can rise to the High Places is to bring ourselves to the lowest, giving Christ alone the place of Lord.

During the celebration of the faithful put on by the Church of the Servant King last week there was one cameo that stood out especially to me, an african slave in the 1700's named Amus Fortune. This brother was pulled into a life he did not choose, and made a slave to injustice, yet in his soul he was no slave to his circumstances; his lord was the one who has already endured all suffering and shame.

For me, one of the biggest stumbling blocks to surrender to God is the ability to choose the way in which my life plays out. I am very much a participant of the mindset portrayed within the 'American Dream' that I can be a 'self made man' and pave my own road. In the stories of Amus and other faithful servants of Christ, I see lives that were subject to not only horrific but also banal circumstance. What is it to go to the depths than to be faithful to the Lord in the undesirable and commonplace turns which life takes?

“Hear the summons night and day, Calling us to come away. From the heights we leap and flow to the valleys down below.” The valley to me is the life that I do not choose. I am called to come away from my fantasy world where I am God to a world where I am faithful to the one who created me no matter what. There are going to be places I don't like, people I don't want to be with, boring times, and failed plans. The song of the water, however, is one of joy. And only the Great Shepherd can teach me it's tongue, because I really don't want the life I choose; my fleshly satisfaction is fleeting. The depths of my soul long to be brought to the lowest of lows, where my King has gone before me. It is only there that I can then “rise again.”

Rachael Reill's Water Song Reflection

The water gives of itself, gives life as it travels farther and farther into the valley and away from the Mountaintops. The raging river loses of its volume as it travels such distances, being reduced to a small stream. Rushing forward to its immanent death, I am struck by the joy that is present in the fulfilling of the purpose for which it was created. Joy is found in the midst of suffering, “Sweetest urge and sweetest pain,” because of the assurance of hope for future glory, “to go low and rise again.”

The Mountaintops are pretty comfortable, but we were not created to live out our lives separate from the world. We have meaning and purpose. We were intended to travel low and give freely of ourselves, our love, as we reach those in need. As western Christians who suffer very little, we tend to think that this journey of the Christian faith is one of self-glorification. It is intended for me to arrive at glory through obtaining perfection and then pitch my tent there for the rest of my days. We are wrong; we were never intended to camp on the mountaintops. We have been called to go into all the nations and share the Good News. We were not saved from this life that is often painful, but for a purpose; that we can share this message of a great Love.

Amanda Paxton's Water Song Reflection

The water is beckoned downward by forces of gravity and momentum much faster than it can even realize. Soaking oneself in the Spirit, jumping off the rock and letting go of the bank's branches sends a man careening down a path that he himself cannot determine but can only discover. He does not moderate the speed, but has rather already released his right to decide it. He can not predict much ahead, but only recognize the patterns of how the riverbed tends to curve and what affect the rocks have on his limbs each time the waterfall renders injury unavoidable.

In my own life, my desire is to be released to that rushing journey, trusting that God will provide the areas of calm water where I can rest and my wounds will be nursed. Continually, though, and without my plan, I know that God's river will always be a step ahead of me. I will not be dragged or pulled, but rather swept away--sometimes with my eyes smashed shut, and sometimes whimpering in fear, but always gripping tightly to His hand as we go down together. The lowest places are both the most and least lonely--but the ironic joy of the low places is that God's promise is that I'll never truly be released into the hands of the true lowest places. Just as jumping off a cliff may feel like a complete release into death, God's promise is that the parachute cord will never fail and my two feet will undoubtedly hit the ground in the end, to a place where death is just a memory and tears are no more. With this promise, I plug my nose and cannonball into the water, resting in the hope that He's sweeping me away towards eternity with Him.

Teddy DIckerson's Water Song Reflection

I have to “leap” into pain you say? I have to be willing to be ridiculed, hurt, vulnerable not only at MY choosing, be seen in all of my imperfection? Embrace pain? I don’t want that, I don’t want pain! I feel like I have been standing on the bank of this river for an eternity. My feet creeping over the edge, my knees bent ready to leap, my hands in the perfect divers form…but there I continue to stand. The water is so beautiful in its perfection as its whole being is to be as the Shepherd is. I am faced with the questions, “you want to know me? You want to do my will?” “Of course” is my first thought followed quickly by “sweetest pain,” and so there I stand on the bank of the river.

Enough is enough! My selfishness has kept my feet planted on this bank for far too long. I am saying goodbye to all MY hopes, MY dreams, MY false identity, MY self preservation, MY expectations, MY way, MY image, MY security, MY entitlements. Goodbye to doing the will of the Father for MY benefit (if even possible), to all MY striving for affirmation, MY need to do everything right but not living rightly, goodbye to PRIDE.

Bring on the “sweetest pain” and the “lowest place.” My desire is to flow as water flows. My perfect form does nothing for me, I belly flop into the water. Consider this an alter.

Cassie Boddington's Water Song Reflection

For me this song is a beckoning of self-emptying, humbling yourself and making yourself nothing. It is calling me to release my pride in vulnerability, fears, self-glory and to go to the lowest place within myself and within the body of Christ. It is calling me to have a joyful spirit while being a servant to the body of Christ even to the lowest places on earth. It is calling for an “attitude that should be the same as that of Christ Jesus. Who Being in very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man he humbled himself and became obedient to death-even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name.” (Philippians 2:5-9)

Joanna Miller's Water Song Reflection

Jesus said, “Follow me, become who you were meant to be in Me.”

So we lay everything at His feet and start on the journey.

And as long as we keep following, keep moving, the current of His mercy will take us where we need to go.

It may be down, further than we thought possible, but the family of God flows and moves with the Spirit, bumping along the jagged rocks, the smooth feeling of fish traveling alongside us lifting our souls because they seem to know exactly where they are going.

We were born in this crevice of the world. We were born to flow, not to fight, but to follow, not defy.

And so each day we hear His voice, and we continue to follow, to flow, down, deeper, deeper. We find joy in fulfilling our purpose. We don’t always know what lies beyond the bend, but when we choose to move with Him, it is then that he guides us, taking us into His arms, carrying us.

He never cushions our fall. Instead he delivers us from the treacherous depths.

How beautiful it is to follow. How sweet it is to surrender.

How awe filled are we to know that a higher place is coming.

Liesl Stuhr's Water Song Reflection

The water song found in Hinds Feet is such a refreshing poem to read in the conviction it presents. I feel like it speaks so much to the call that Christ has given to us. It seems to take his message and put it into one simple sentence “sweetest urge and sweetest pain, to go low and rise again.” The very image I get in my head is of pouring yourself out completely and joyfully. It brings such joy to pour out your heart and serve Christ and those whom he loves.

I find such encouragement in my life from this water song in the image it gives me. When I read it I see a community working together, finding joy in serving Christ through fulfilling what it was created to do. Created to go from the high places to the lowest places, leaping with joy as it is spreading God’s love and peace while flowing down into the lowest places. “It is happy to go low.” I love this line, for even Christ himself said that he came not for the healthy but for the sick. He went from the highest place to the Valley of Humiliation where we have been holding ourselves in bondage by our own sickness. He poured out his love and his blood for us and is calling me with community to pour out myself for others as well.

It’s not easy, at least not for me. That is one way that I find this song convicting. I struggle a lot with giving all of myself and having the vulnerability that is required to pour myself out. I fear what type of image that reveals about me, I fear my lack of ability. Yet in this poem and this book I realize what type of journey that I am on. Like Much-Afraid when I read this song I wondered what the water meant and how the water has such joy while flowing down away from the high places, yet I am learning what pure joy it is to hear the call and to be like the water “always answering to the call, to the lowest place of all.” I find the desire for this growing stronger and stronger in my life, I am now finding joy as I am being sent to flow freely and joyfully down the hill. I have come to look forward to the moments where I can pour out that love, that message to people through a word, a smile a touch. I too want my song to end in “sweetest urge and sweetest pain, to go low and rise again”

Jim Wick's Water Song Reflection

Where is He?

There he is amongst the snags and in the hollows as he rescues those that have befallen the grip of the hydraulic torrent.

He struggles against the grasp of the dark that surrounds the unbeknownst in the depth of their arrested attention.

Like water He moves, fluidly finding the cracks and crevices as he clears way the prey trapped between the frays.

As if His concern is only completed by the responsiveness of the removal of the obstruction, as the befallen are absorbed in the flow of His rushing spring.

Alive, without regard and without hesitation He implores them in the cascade of the ensuing waters of the spring.

I can hear Him as I pray, summoned, will I obey? Becoming able to see the need to accept, thanking Him for the persistence of consequence as we follow the way.

How low will He go? How much longer, farther, how deep must I go?

I am realizing that much like Hannah Hurnard’s character “Much Afraid,” we are on a journey of “lower still” its about our need for the Water to seek us out and find the depth of our soul…

“Ours is a journey inward, now, ours is journey outward.” Here we go, lower even still.

Chanelle Freese's Water Song Reflections

Down, down, down, deeper into the dark, oh yeah, but with a dark look on my face and a posture that shows it... This is my confession of what interpreting this song might look like in my life ... When Christ is calling me to humility, I have the choice to release my "sweet will" and "go down lower still", but what is my heart saying, what do my eyes speak of, how does my life represent Christ as He calls me to the depths of His will? Is it really happy to go low? Well, these waters speak of happiness and enthusiasm and urges and ...pain.

I am afraid of pain, why would I want to go low and be humbled and feel pain? Because we have been commanded to follow these moving waters, to the valley and to the answering of the call. This call, to grow and to experience the depths of the valley, so that when we rise again, we are stronger and joyful because of it. To be able to go down with grace is a terribly hard lesson to learn though. Submitting my will to Christ first off, is very difficult for me to do, but to do it with grace, humility and enthusiasm!

Thankfully, it is a process, and the waters flow at a pace that won't be more than we are able to handle so, Lord, "let us away- lower, lower every day"...

Responses on "When the Church was a Family" - Chapter 8 (Joseph Hellerman)

I am not my own. Just as any great movement may be founded on the ideas and desires of one person but can only be actualized by the support of many, so must I make my movements with the support of the faithful. I am currently in the midst of a very transitional stage of life that encompasses many decisions. I have emerged from my season of formal education and into a new season where I can continue to explore the complexity and simplicity of what it means to follow God in new confines. As I find my footing with those I live alongside, it is imperative that I continue to explore these new frontiers in community. What does that mean? It means that my God is your God, and I cannot speak on behalf of His will without your permission. It means that a group of people who together desire to see love, harmony and unity must decide together what that means in individual lives. As I make decisions about where I will go, what I will do, who I choose to spend my life with, I must send that decision through the ultimate filter: God. God is love, and love establishes itself on earth as the brothers and sisters of the church joining together in self-sacrifice. If the church makes my decision with me and for me, then love decides. And if love decides, God decides.

Amanda Paxton

As I learn to delegate my formerly personal decisions into the family church model of living, it allows the chance for those around me to insert “relational stakes” into my life. These stakes form bonds of reciprocal trust between myself, and those I am surrounded by. I am finding that these “stakes” that we place in one another’s life act as “safety-nets of love” when formed and pursued with confident expectation that the Body will be there for me and I for it. This reciprocal trust acts as relational glue to the Body as a whole, as well as invites Christ into every aspect of day to day living. Robert Green

“More often than not, we simply need to figure out how to get out of God’s way in order to let Him do His community-creating work in our lives.” …“Their decisions to enter the ministry did not come as individual emotional responses to a sermon or to a highly charged camp message. The decisions were hammered out in context of a community of peers and leaders who were well aware of the strengths and weaknesses of the individual.”

I am finding that I simply need to get out of the way. Thinking back to six months ago it is nearly impossibly to really see the person I was back then. But in some ways I am still the same person. I like to be in control (of my own paradigm), in the know, in on the joke, and in on the adventure. I simply want to belong. I haven’t fully trusted the Christ, and in that I haven’t fully trusted the body. I do not like to admit this, because this means that my plan has failed, but it’s true. And so how do we get past this? How do we step out of individual crisis and into community struggle? We have to realize that we really do belong and then get out of the way. I have seen how this very reality has affected the people around me, and how when we release our decisions, worries, and struggles to each other the heaviness becomes lighter so that we are able to lean on each other and Christ during our darkest hours. The most significant decision I have made in the last 7 months was to move here (to Portland) and to be a part of the apprenticeship. At the time, I really saw those as my decisions to make, but now I see that they really weren’t mine at all. I threw myself into community, I was all in…or at least I thought I was. I still had A LOT of issues to deal with. And so these issues began to be dealt with communally. Sometimes I could appreciate it, other times, not so much. But in this I learned that I really would be nothing without this body of believers around me. So then, I choose to trust this body, but then I think that I have decided what is next on the agenda, and that it is my job to respond to the call that Christ has on my life. Is it really my decision to make? No, it is not. Joanna Miller

Decision making within the framework of church as family perhaps is the hardest reality that we have encountered yet in the journey this book has taken us on. Seeing how our western culture has distorted the strong group family that the new covenant church lived out is one thing, but consenting to practically put our personal decisions into the hands of that family is another. The activities that our church is involved in, the place where we live, and how we gather are things that I would like to determine. However, being in community is changing my own ideas of what church should look like because relationships with my brothers and sisters are starting to become more and more of a first priority. It is within those relationships that we can, together as one, envision a more perfect reflection of life as the church, and no longer do my own expectations have to be unveiled as false, leaving me with despair and disillusionment. When my paradigm reflects a lying down of personal desires, it frees up others in the body to do the same, leading to reciprocated giving. Agape love then becomes the reality and decisions as a group are no longer a hurdle to jump, but rather a joy to be experienced. Trevor Williams

Within my own personal confine, I see making decisions within the family (body of Christ) somewhat complicated but not an unexpected matter. Complicated in the sense that there are decisions of different matter and magnitudes. Those which are hard, I usually make alone and don’t include no one and those that are easy, I usually include others. But there are also instances that are the other way around. In other words, I can still make decisions alone even if I’m part of the body, its not automatic, we have to get in the habit of doing so in spite of the independence that is in our bags.

Being a part of the body though has helped me get a better understanding of how we operate as the church. Switching from independence and blood family to depending on the family of God. No longer an I but a we, no longer a one of singularity, but a one of plural. And only when we get to a point where we operate as one can we then be a community. A common-unity which is Christ. P.s. It doesn’t stop there. Mikey Romo

I’m observing that my thought processing and desires are shifting within myself. I have a habit of holding everything within me, emotions, thoughts, decisions and letting my pride control me. Pride saying: that I am capable of taking care of myself and do not need anyone else’s input or perspective or help. As my journey continues with this family I see things beginning to take shape differently within me. Not that I have arrived and am able to live this life perfectly or without struggle, but now I am finding myself fighting my selfish desires and fighting to release my pride daily. Realizing my decisions to be vulnerable to the community or to not be vulnerable affect the community, and that this family of God is not just about me an individual but it’s about us as one body in Christ. The by-product of putting the family of God first and allowing them to have a voice in my life and my voice in theirs is the fruit of the spirit. A voice that is more than just something occasional to draw from whenever I am facing a fork in the road, but one that is being breathed into me and me into it daily. In that posture of only drawing advice or help every once in awhile is me just consuming the church and not conceiving life into it. I am learning to release my fears of vulnerability and trust, and to get out of God’s way and let His Holy-Spirit work and to let this family of God invade my life. Knowing that, I now have hope in where this family is at now and what the future holds for us, because of what Christ did and is doing. Cassie Boddington

My decisions need to be made in the family of God. The journey to this point has been long and filled with much pain. My individualism lead to detrimental decisions; my entitlement lead to a broken relationship, a broken man. I am humbled and privileged to have a church family to which I can lay down my life in Christ’s name. If we truly believe in Christ incarnate, submitting my decisions to my brothers and sisters is submitting my decisions to Christ. Travis Reill

"My personal confine", my space or what I am limited to, isn't mine anymore, it's the community's and I am submitting to them and essentially to Christ through them. This affects me because I am in relationship with them and them with me and they know me, as family would, through time and experience of shared life, to know what the individual needs are. As a whole, they know the body's needs as well and inside of that, the best decision can be pursued when every best interest is in each decision, through that we can be united. As a whole we all are submitting to each one's needs and when we can take care of the community's needs then we can, as a whole, reach the “world's” needs as Christ’s body. Chanelle Freese

In the “strong-group” model the individual does not make individual decisions; the group comes together and collectively a decision will be made for the individual, a decision that will benefit the whole. The application of this has been difficult with the transformation from theory to practice. In theory I desire the church to help me make decisions in my life like job, spouse, where I live, etc. But sitting down with the body and freely laying down my own wants in each of these decisions is just not easy. There is still that voice in your head that will whisper, “If you don’t like what they decided you can just do what you want anyway.” Not listening to that voice is far more of a reward than giving into hyper-individualism and the fruit it creates. I have recently brought a decision to leadership about an upcoming trip with my dad’s congregation to rebuild a church building in Haiti. I can already see how not leaving this decision to be made on my own has affected not just myself but others as well. Normally I would have a certain level of anxiety with this decision but because I have released this to the body, I have little anxiety because I am not carrying the weight of this decision alone and whatever my brothers and sisters decide I know that decision will have been dealt with care and love. In sharing this decision there is greater opportunity for partnership between Adsideo and my dad’s church. When it could have been just me going, there is now the possibility for others to also be sent as a conduit of Christ’s encouragement. Though it is still hard at times to lay down my wants at the church’s feet, I hope that we can collectively continue to ask ourselves, “What does it mean to be the church?” Teddy Dickerson

The more we discuss our lives in the family of God, the more it seems ludicrous that we would find it an option to make decisions on our own. I do not live in a vacuum and, therefore, my individual decisions will inevitably affect another for better or for worse. Even those that do not submit to a community are affected by, or affect others by, these decisions. We have a tendency to look out for number one, however, if a decision is made to benefit the individual, in the end that is all it does. If a decision is made by the community for the community, the individuals who make up that community also share in the benefits and blessings and even more so than on their own because their celebration is more full as it is shared with the family. And thus, our opportunity to be filled and grow comes through emptying ourselves, being vulnerable to and investing in one another as the family of God. Christ is our ultimate example; he emptied himself not for himself but for his family and that the Father may be glorified. I recognize the need to humble myself to God’s family in the decisions of my life so that better resolutions can be made. Major decisions such as spouse, career, and location seem easy to recognize as those in need of input from the family. The difficult part for me is changing the way I flippantly make menial decisions so that the community, and myself as a part of it, has the opportunity to grow through even the small things. I am encouraged to know that in practicing this level of commitment to the family of God, “input from others [becomes] a way of life” (pg 170). And as I submit myself to the collective input and wisdom of the many members of the family of God, I can have confident expectation that my life will be an example to those who will follow with similar circumstances. Rachael Reill